How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM) turns 20 this year, and one debate doesn’t seem to cool down: Barney and Robin’s relationship. To some, they seem to be the perfect couple: playful, witty, and having a unique chemistry. But for others, they were toxic from the start and doomed by their lack of growth.
But one moment that continues to be problematic is the way Barney proposes to her. His elaborate proposal is manipulative and includes 14 detailed steps that include pretending to date Robin’s coworker Patrice, lying about his feelings, burning his infamous Playbook, and manipulating not only Robin but also their friends.
The proposal takes place in Season 8, Episode 12, titled The Final Page, Part Two. The manipulation and months of deception left Robin emotionally hurt, and reflect the flaws in the foundation of their relationship.
How I Met Your Mother Turns 20: Barney and Robin’s Relationship Was Always Doomed
From the very beginning, Cobie Smulders‘ Robin made it clear she didn’t believe in dating friends. Yet Neil Patrick Harris‘ Barney, after a near-death experience, decided he was in love with her. The show fast-tracked Robin into feelings we never saw building, forcing an artificial “mutual Mosby” moment that set the tone for everything that followed.
Their relationship, since the start, survived only through gimmicks like the ‘no fights’ pact. Once the novelty wore off, they constantly bickered and made each other miserable until they broke up. Hence, it was always a disaster.
The worst part came in the eighth season when it came to Barney’s proposal. If that had taken place in real life, it would have been a glaring red flag, yet the show posed it as a grand gesture.
The future seasons only highlighted their incompatibility, and they nearly ended up fighting in every season. By the time their marriage collapsed, the divorce felt less like a tragedy and more like relief. Built on manipulation, toxicity, and deception, their relationship was never going to last.
How I Met Your Mother Turns 20: Robin and Kevin Were Always the Superior Couple
In How I Met Your Mother, if Barney was Robin’s toxic partner, Kal Penn‘s Kevin was her healthy one. When Robin asked Barney ‘I’m such a mess, why do you even like me?” he replies, “We can be messed up together.”
But when she asks Kevin the same thing, his reply is just heartwarming.
I am constantly amazed by the things you say. Entranced by the things you do. And, unlike a certain jalapeno coconut vodka martini, you’re easy on the eyes. If we’re together long enough, I hope that you can see yourself the way I see you.
Kevin didn’t want her because she was broken, but because he loved her for who she was. Their relationship worked because it was grounded in respect and love, and their breakup wasn’t about incompatibility but about Robin’s inability to have children. This was a dealbreaker for Kevin, but one he addressed with honesty rather than manipulation.
Looking back two decades later at the Neil Patrick Harris-starrer series, it is clear that Kevin represented the healthier path.
What do you think: were Barney and Robin ever meant to last, or was their breakup inevitable from the start?
How I Met Your Mother is available for streaming on Netflix.
